suzanne moore
by Suzanne Moore
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin... We live in a queendom run by a bunch of rich men, for whom most of us did not vote. Two-thirds of us are not Tories. Bear that in mind while the feral overlords, with no real life experience, steal from the poor to bail out the rich. But they must be in clover when they see that gonk Ed Miliband being egged for not standing up for the poor.
Why hasn’t Labour got a narrative? Why has the debate been framed in such a way that most people accept they must be punished for something over which they had no control. Must we masochistically absorb more debt? My advice to Labour is simple. Speak like common people. Have something to say. I was banned from the party for standing as an independent candidate in the last general election, so I observe impartially — believing party politics to be a stagnating system, a weirdo hobby whose significance is talked up by sycophantic media.
Before their impossibly long summer holidays, the Tories were humming an upbeat tune. This, remember, is the party that didn’t even win the last election despite 13 years of an incumbent government, an unpopular prime minister (Gordon Brown), and a massive war chest. But the royal foetus manifested itself, the sun came out and, if you had a house, week by week you were richer. If this is recovery, I wouldn’t want to be seriously ill.
The current advice for Labour to bring back the old guard of Peter Mandelson and Alastair Campbell is desperate. If your finest achievement is taking us to war, moving the party to the technocratic centre and coming to blows over what trousers Tony Blair should wear, then God help us. Does Labour not see the former PM travelling the world with that mahogany, teeth-grinding deathmask grin? No! Tell a story of the future. Most people do not know what Labour is, but it could easily dismantle the current “feelgood” factor with some simple questions. It should ask homeowners in the south who feel pretty damned happy in their nests right now how their children are to buy homes. OK, they are sitting on a fortune, but at what age can their children get on to the property ladder? Forget that cosy retirement. Their pensions have gone bust. Do they want their kids living with them until they are in their mid-30s?
You see, the Tory idea is really like one of those Eat Yourself Thin diets, only it is Spend Yourself Rich. Ask yourself, does this work? Then ask voters, why do you pay so much in energy bills and for train fares when these companies are making massive profits? Ask, if Scotland wants independence, why not England? Englishness is not shameful and if you can’t scupper Ukip, give up now. You do it head-on, not by avoiding any talk of “race” but by facing it down. Who was born here? Who came here? Who works here? Remember all those jobs no one wanted. Well someone did. Where youth unemployment rises, ask what future there is for kids with a life on loans — loans that can be sold on. And these are the lucky ones. Young people know there is no return to boom. Don’t lie to them.
There is no happy ending to this story. No one thinks Ed Miliband will be prime minister. But we are not Tories and we want this government brought to its knees. Someone tell me a tale where that happens. Make it vaguely believable. Is that asking for the moon on a stick?
THE GUARDIAN
by Suzanne Moore
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin... We live in a queendom run by a bunch of rich men, for whom most of us did not vote. Two-thirds of us are not Tories. Bear that in mind while the feral overlords, with no real life experience, steal from the poor to bail out the rich. But they must be in clover when they see that gonk Ed Miliband being egged for not standing up for the poor.
Why hasn’t Labour got a narrative? Why has the debate been framed in such a way that most people accept they must be punished for something over which they had no control. Must we masochistically absorb more debt? My advice to Labour is simple. Speak like common people. Have something to say. I was banned from the party for standing as an independent candidate in the last general election, so I observe impartially — believing party politics to be a stagnating system, a weirdo hobby whose significance is talked up by sycophantic media.
Before their impossibly long summer holidays, the Tories were humming an upbeat tune. This, remember, is the party that didn’t even win the last election despite 13 years of an incumbent government, an unpopular prime minister (Gordon Brown), and a massive war chest. But the royal foetus manifested itself, the sun came out and, if you had a house, week by week you were richer. If this is recovery, I wouldn’t want to be seriously ill.
The current advice for Labour to bring back the old guard of Peter Mandelson and Alastair Campbell is desperate. If your finest achievement is taking us to war, moving the party to the technocratic centre and coming to blows over what trousers Tony Blair should wear, then God help us. Does Labour not see the former PM travelling the world with that mahogany, teeth-grinding deathmask grin? No! Tell a story of the future. Most people do not know what Labour is, but it could easily dismantle the current “feelgood” factor with some simple questions. It should ask homeowners in the south who feel pretty damned happy in their nests right now how their children are to buy homes. OK, they are sitting on a fortune, but at what age can their children get on to the property ladder? Forget that cosy retirement. Their pensions have gone bust. Do they want their kids living with them until they are in their mid-30s?
You see, the Tory idea is really like one of those Eat Yourself Thin diets, only it is Spend Yourself Rich. Ask yourself, does this work? Then ask voters, why do you pay so much in energy bills and for train fares when these companies are making massive profits? Ask, if Scotland wants independence, why not England? Englishness is not shameful and if you can’t scupper Ukip, give up now. You do it head-on, not by avoiding any talk of “race” but by facing it down. Who was born here? Who came here? Who works here? Remember all those jobs no one wanted. Well someone did. Where youth unemployment rises, ask what future there is for kids with a life on loans — loans that can be sold on. And these are the lucky ones. Young people know there is no return to boom. Don’t lie to them.
There is no happy ending to this story. No one thinks Ed Miliband will be prime minister. But we are not Tories and we want this government brought to its knees. Someone tell me a tale where that happens. Make it vaguely believable. Is that asking for the moon on a stick?
THE GUARDIAN
